Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
