my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
