shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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