Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
