what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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