It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
