I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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