He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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