p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
