I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
