Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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