If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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