"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
