Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you win again, gameday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
