As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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