he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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