The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
