Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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