I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
