at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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