WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
