It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
