Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
