are you so shy because you have an std?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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