Nicole vs. Life
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
MIDGETS
????
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
