People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
