I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
