I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
