Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
