He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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