You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
