i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
