i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
