He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
