Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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