Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
