His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
