Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
