Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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