dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
