The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
