I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
