What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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