it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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