God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
