Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
