my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
