You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
