I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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