I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I will pee on everything he values.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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