It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
