I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
