Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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