how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
