I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
