Your face is a jimmy john
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
