i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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